How many lies have you told today? How many lies have you told so that you could gamble today? How many lies have you told to keep your gambling hidden from the people around you….your partner, children, parents, brother, sister, friend, team-mate, colleague, employer, the bank, the credit union? How many lies have you told yourself? Maybe you went to sleep last night and your mind was frantic with thoughts of how you could keep things going or believing that, tomorrow, you could have a big win and everything would be ok? Maybe you woke up and those same thoughts were still there, along with a sick feeling in your stomach?
The opportunity to gamble is all around us and technological advances mean that we can gamble in all sorts of ways 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Most people can enjoy an occasional bet but for others there is a downward spiral and what started out with a ‘harmless’ bet ends with financial, psychological and social devastation.
The progression from recreational gambling to problem gambling generally happens in 4 phases:
The first phase ‘winning’ begins with social gambling during which, at some point, the individual experiences a big win. The excitement of the win provides a psychological ‘hit’ and winning is seen as easy.
As the gambling becomes more frequent, the law of averages takes over and the person enters the ‘losing’ phase. Some people develop insight and stop gambling completely or return to having an occasional bet. Others are unable to control their gambling and problems develop as it becomes a priority over family, friendship, work, education and other aspects of their lives.
As the gambling behaviour becomes more prevalent, the third phase ‘chasing’ begins when the person focuses on chasing their losses, gambling more and more frequently in an attempt to win back previous losses. Problem gamblers might take on additional work in order to fund their gambling or pay gambling debts. They may borrow from family or friends, get loans, steal and in other ways exploit family members, friends and colleagues. The individual often has feelings of guilt, shame and increased anxiety but the gambling continues.
The fourth phase ‘desperation’ leaves the individual feeling hopeless. The individual has tried to gamble their way out of a desperate financial situation but failed. Feelings of fear, isolation, depression and guilt become overwhelming and suicide attempts are common. Many problem gamblers continue to gamble, even in the desperation phase but the thrill of the action is sought rather than the money.
The negative impact problem gambling can have on people’s lives has been highlighted recently in the media with the publication of Declan Lynch and Tony O’Reilly’s book ‘Tony 10’ and Baz Ashmawy’s documentary ‘All Bets Are Off’. Many problem gamblers describe how gambling becomes a priority over everyone and everything else in their lives and the preoccupation with gambling brings a feeling of loss of control. The consequences can be devastating for the individual, the family unit and the wider social circle. Family members of problem gamblers describe feeling ashamed, hurt, helpless, afraid, isolated, angry, confused and distrustful. They often struggle to understand how an otherwise rational person can have behaved so irrationally. Many relationships are unable to survive the financial, psychological and emotional fallout and the family unit may break down.
Problem gambling behaviour can frequently go unnoticed. Unlike other addictions, there are no physical signs that something is wrong - no needle marks, no smell of alcohol, no staggering home. Also frequent gambling brings an occasional win and this facilitates the secrecy and can strengthen the level of denial. In my work as a psychotherapist and having completed a number of research studies on the issue of problem gambling, the hidden nature of this addiction is clear. Despite the growing numbers of people experiencing difficulty with their own or a family member’s gambling behaviour, the number of people presenting for counselling treatment is relatively low. The secrecy involved also means that unfortunately the illness is generally well-advanced before help is sought.
Recovery from problem gambling is not easy but it can and does happen. There are a number of services available to help people work towards recovery which are listed in the ‘Resources’ section of this website. Psychotherapy is one such option. Psychotherapy provides clients with the opportunity to explore any issues or problems that they are experiencing in a safe, supportive, non-judgmental and confidential environment.
In my work with clients, the therapeutic relationship is key and the establishment of a strong working alliance with each client based on empathy, mutual trust and respect is vital. For me, the work with someone presenting with problem gambling behaviour requires an open, empathic relationship which is non-judgmental while also strongly challenging the addictive behaviour. The work involves slowing down and calming the frantic thinking, helping the client gain an awareness of how their behaviour is impacting their lives and the lives of the people around them, and supporting the client so that they themselves can confront reality. Clients often describe how losing the need to lie can bring huge relief, a sense of freedom and peace of mind.
While the addictive behaviour needs to be addressed, I also support clients in looking behind the gambling to who they were before the addictive behaviour began and try to identify and explore the issues that led to the spiral into addiction. We generally find that gambling filled some sense of emptiness and part of recovery is finding new, healthy ways to fill that void. As the therapy progresses, we look beyond the gambling and reflect on the opportunities that recovery might bring as the client rediscovers (or maybe discovers for the first time) the life they want to live.
Acceptance of responsibility is an important part of the process of recovery. Change is supported when the client is able to accept what happened in the past and begin to focus on today, taking responsibility for present day decisions and actions. This concept of living in the day is central to the philosophy of the twelve step program of GA. GA is an important tool in recovery and clients are encouraged to participate in their meetings.
Problem gambling behaviour thrives on lies and secrecy and the further into the illness the bigger and the more frequent the lies and the greater the destruction. So if your gambling behaviour is becoming a concern or has gotten out of control, if you are chasing losses or feeling desperate, what would it be like to break that secrecy? What would it be like to not feel the need to lie? What would it be like to talk to someone honestly, open up about your distress and begin to work towards recovery?
Marie Lawlor is a Psychotherapist, based in Dublin 2. Marie's contact details are available here
It was the 25 of September 2017 and it was just like a 100 other days for me. I was finishing work early and already the thoughts of having a gambling flutter were running around in my head, building up to the usual irresistible urge where I just can’t say no. I work in Dublin so getting to a venue where my favourite type of gambling is operated is more accessible than I would like it to be. In recent times I was getting fed up of facilitating my gambling with the monotonous journey in to the city centre. This coupled with the difficulties of parking and changes in route layouts lead me to find myself a 24 hour casino/arcade which operated automated table roulette and slot machines at the Santry Omniplex. It was out of the way with no parking problems or costs.
Automated table roulette has been my gamble of choice for some time now which in some places allows a maximum bet of between 250 to 500 euro every 30 seconds or so. They are equally as addictive and dangerous as the fixed odds betting terminals (FOBTS) currently under siege in the UK. I had also self excluded myself from a large number of venues and could not longer go there as the majority of gambling premises strictly adhere to a self exclude request. The big step I had taken on the 25 October 2016 was to hand over complete control of my finances to my brother. This meant that I hadn’t got the freedom to gamble all my money at any time and devastate my finances in a flash. I have taken steps over the last year or two to put as many obstacles in my way as possible to prevent me from gambling.
While I had handed over control of my finances, with my income going to an account set up with my brother, I only managed to stay bet free until late February 2017. I can’t remember why or how I got to that place where I made a bad choice and commenced to gamble again but, it happened. While I was gambling with much less money, the behaviour was the same. Telling little lies to account for missing time, running out of money, not having money for the basics of food etc and then as a result of getting the maximum amount of money without raising suspicion having to wait a day or two before asking for more money. This year I did everything differently, I recorded the amounts of money I gambled and I recorded the dates on which I had gambled. This allowed me to look very closely at my gambling patterns and indeed the frequency of my betting. Having looked at those patterns since stopping on the 25 September I noticed that gambling was becoming less frequent than it had been in the past as I passed through the year. I hadn’t examined my gambling patterns in this way before and it has made me very conscious of how reckless my past behaviour has been.
As soon as I was finished work on that September Monday I made my way to my car and drove to Santry Omniplex. I had the usual thoughts of what I was going to do with the winnings which in a way are a little ridiculous. This is particularly so, as I will never take winnings. I will gamble as long as the available money will allow me to gamble. I got to the door. The sign on the door says ‘members only, but as usual I pressed the buzzer and a member of staff let me in. No question as to who I was, whether I was a member or check to see if I was somebody who shouldn’t be let in. I walked straight up stairs to my preferred automated roulette table, sat at the position I always sat at and put my money note in the slot. It sucked it in and the usual sounds emanated from the machine as it decided which note bill it was and clocked the credit up on the machine. The intensity of my urges had been building up since I had decided that I was going to gamble. Even as the note was going into the machine it almost felt like something had been injected in to me easing the urge and giving me some form of satisfaction. It wasn’t until I placed the first bet and the wheel was spinning that I started to feel at ease. It was probably a little like how somebody else would look forward to a holiday or a concert. I was now going into my own little world of escapism. A world where you forget about everything else that was going on in your life, nothing or no one mattered while you gambled on each spin of the wheel. Even the consequences of how your life was going to be after you lost all your money didn’t matter. Incredible, but true.
15 minutes or so later, my world of escape came to a crashing end after I placed my bet and the remnants of my money/credits disappeared before my eyes. I had as usual placed some sort of bet on at least three quarters of the numbers on the roulette table but somehow, miraculously the ball fell on a number I didn’t have and my credit rolled to zero. This was a regular feature of the roulette machine, it either lands on a number near your number with the potential of the biggest win or gives you a win which was less than your stake with all the sounds of a big win. (Gambling Addiction by Design) Suddenly, it was back to reality like coming out of a semi hypnotic trance. My immediate thoughts were focussed on how I was going to continue to gamble. After considering whether it was a viable option to contact my brother or not I decided to call him and came up with plausible story as to why I needed to money. Very quickly I had some more money in my account. I couldn’t wait to draw it out of the wall, incidentally, on the same building as the casino. How convenient! Pressed the door buzzer just like earlier and very quickly I was back sitting at the roulette table trying to figure out which number was coming next. Was there a pattern? What number was likely to come up? There are only 36 numbers and one zero. It couldn’t be that difficult! It must be because on occasions I had put bets on every single number with the exception of one or two and guess what? Yes one of the two numbers that I didn’t put anything on came up. Can you imagine the frustration? For some people, it makes them extremely angry and they end up banging machines and shouting loudly and aggressively. Fortunately, for me, I have become resigned to the outcomes and I suppose deep down I know that I am going to lose and there’s not much point in getting angry any more.
My refill of money didn’t last very long. I tried one set of numbers the others came up. No matter what I did I couldn’t win. While I wasn’t angry I was very frustrated and I started to feel real bad as my last few credits were taken away from me leaving me with an empty pocket and probably no money for a couple of days. The same feelings as if I had lost thousands in that one session.
Thoughts went through my head questioning the reasoning and indeed why do I keep doing this to myself. I was really fed up of this continuous cycle of self destruction and self torture. Why? I don’t suppose I will ever know but I had enough. I thought to myself, I just can’t keep doing this. I am having a life but in parallel I’m having no life. I went down stairs and approached the cashier’s desk and told the guy behind the counter that I wanted to self exclude myself from the premises. He asked me if I was a member and I replied ‘that I wasn’t!’ Surprise! Surprise! If he had checked when I entered the premises he would have known that. Nevertheless he asked me for some ID and I gave him my driving licence and he recorded the details. I left the building and headed for home feeling really fed up of what I had been doing to myself.
I haven’t gambled since and I have no intention of doing so. A few days after stopping, I went to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting at Cuan Mhuire in Athy, Co. Kildare. This is one of my favourite meetings as there are regularly gambling addicts in treatment there and it gives a degree of revisiting where you have come from which is not always present at other meetings. While I have now passed 90 days it hasn’t always been easy with urges presenting themselves here and there but I have been able to deal with them and resist the temptation to give up my recovery. I don’t think it is worth it anymore. The cost and the loss is much greater than money alone. The improvement in my life in a few short months completely justifies that abstention from betting. During this time I have also had a few incidents in my life which would in other circumstances sent me on a betting rampage.
What have I been doing to keep myself from gambling? Firstly, I want to stop gambling, change my life and start living a normal life. I have wanted this since I have become a gambling addict but I had never been able to achieve it. That being the big motivator, there has been other difficulties to get over. I don’t know how many other gambling addicts experience this but since stopping I have found it difficult to treat myself or spend money on myself. I don’t know if that is because in the past the idea of protecting your gambling source and saving your money for the bet still sub consciously takes place in your head. Maybe in some way I still want to punish myself as I have done through gambling. It got a little bit better over Christmas and I managed to have a good time. Gambling has also been a means of isolating myself and I find it difficult to partake in social occasions. I have a complete aversion to social gatherings and the potential for connecting. For some strange reason I don’t have that difficulty with Gamblers Anonymous. While there were a few social gatherings over Christmas I got through them and I really have to start looking at association in a different way.
Overall, I don’t keep much money on my person, I only request the amount I need and avoid asking for larger amounts of money unless I need it. Over Christmas this arose as I needed larger amounts of money for gifts for my partner etc. When I got the money, the urge and temptation immediately presented itself and I managed to resist.
However, it would have been just as easy to go gambling but I know if I make the wrong choice I’m back to square one just like snakes and ladders and I really don’t want to go back to the start. I now keep in touch with other recovering gamblers more than I have done in the past and this also has helped somewhat. I am active participant on twitter promoting all things that advocate help and assistance in problem gambling. This is probably the area that helps me most. I now have over 700 followers and I regularly tweet information, articles and other bits and pieces which I feel may be of interest to those that follow me. It has also enabled me to connect with other gamblers, counsellors and others around the world who have an interest in all things problem gambling related.
With 2018 just around the corner I am starting to look forward to a much brighter future, a clearer mind and a normal life. It isn’t much for anyone to expect. Recovery is my key task and through my recovery I hope to help others achieve abstention. I know for some people recovery takes a long time and is taking a long time for me. Making the right choices, considering the disaster of relapse a single day at a time will aid my path to a normal and bet free life. Have a happy bet free 2018.
**Editor: Massive thanks to @CompulsiveG for another excellent post. Keep fighting the good fight! You can follow @CompulsiveG on Twitter, for more insights into all things problem gambling-related.**
My name is XXXXX and I am a compulsive gambler. It’s not always an easy term of description to call yourself, but after many years of problematic gambling, I now accept that’s what I am and, at some level, always will be. With a single voice I have quietly campaigned for changes to the current 1956 gambling legislation, predominately through twitter, submission of a document to the Department of Justice and through participation in a number of studies. It is a welcome development to see that other individuals and, indeed, other groups have taken up the gauntlet in an attempt to achieve change.
I started out gambling on video poker machines in my late teens through to my early twenties. At first, while it was somewhat problematic, it didn’t become a huge problem until I started working away from home and was using my own money. It got completely out of control and - hey presto - I was a gambling addict. While being compulsive, I was also impulsive - eventually having little regard for my most basic needs. Fortunately, I wasn’t married or didn’t have children, so the worst impact was on myself. This was compounded by the fact that, more often than not, I got paid on Thursday and hadn’t a penny left by Friday evening.
I eventually attended Gambler’s Anonymous and managed to stop gambling until early 1997, when one Sunday, while reading the Sunday World, a magazine promoting online poker fell out of the paper. I was immediately interested and couldn’t wait to set up an account on Paddy Power and started playing poker, which I had absolutely no experience of. I quickly maxed out one credit card and then another. Then I was borrowing money from the Credit Union to pay off the cards and quickly maxing out the cards again. This was having an impact on my marriage and children and eventually I lost everything - my wife, my children, my home, my way of life and my sanity. I have been in rehab twice and mostly have not lasted past six months abstention since then.
In more recent years I graduated to land based casinos, playing Blackjack and Roulette. I visited as often as I could, or as often as I had money. Being a compulsive gambler, I could never leave until I lost all my money - no win could ever be enough. It ended up, winning was only a means to allow me to gamble for longer. Bit by bit I self excluded myself from every Casino in Dublin. To be fair to the Casinos they check everyone entering the casino and if you have self excluded yourself they do not allow you to come in to the premises.
Following my casino experience, I moved to automated roulette tables which can be found in all the amusement arcades in Dublin. These machines, in my view, are equally as addictive as the Fixed Odds Betting Terminals, to be found in bookies all over the UK. I have lost a fortune in these machines. The stakes allowed on the automated roulette tables go from €250 to €500, depending on the premises and the location. This is clearly in breach of the current legislation by a mile. It is not enforced and hasn’t been enforced for some time. Gambling regulation and fit for purpose legislation are not going to cure me, or thousands of other problem gamblers. What it will do is give us a chance to change our lives.
Gambling in Ireland is currently governed by the 1956 Gaming and Lotteries Act. Clearly gambling in 1956 was a completely different landscape to what now exists. It is now proposed to introduce some amendments to the the legislation before the end of the year but it falls long short of the Gambling Control Bill which is urgently needed and has been for many years. The new amendment brings a change in stake to €10.00 and a maximum payout of €750.00. While this is welcome, it still allows those machines to take €1200.00 per hour from a gambler.
Most establishments do not display any information on what a problem gambler can do if he or she is experiencing difficulties with managing the gambling. The amendment does not include any requirement on a gambling establishment to display this information. It is a minimum requirement. The new amendment does not include any obligation on a gambling establishment to provide any form of self exclusion - which is mission critical for any problem gambler attempting to limit their opportunities for gambling. Finally, the amendment does not close the loophole for private members clubs, and my belief is that this needs specific mention in the legislation, so that they are brought under the same legislation as any other gambling establishment and are subject to the same limitations and obligations. Overall, any amendment is welcome but we can’t wait another 61 years for fit for purpose legislation.
[Editor: We would like to thank the guest poster for this excellent insight. You can follow him on Twitter: @CompulsiveG
The proposed amendments to the 1956 Gaming & Lotteries Act can be found here (starting on page 82).
The original 1956 Act can be found here. ]
Gambling is a pastime which many Irish people enjoy. It is deeply ingrained in our culture. In fact, Ireland has the third-highest losses, per person, on gambling – in the world. While for the majority of people who gamble, it is a relatively harmless bit of fun, there are many who experience harm from gambling. Problem Gambling (Gambling Addiction) is estimated to affect up to 40,000 people in Ireland. For every person with a gambling problem, there are estimated to be a further 8-10 people affected, meaning that there could be up to 400,000 people in Ireland feeling the negative impact of gambling-related harm.
The types of harm a person with a gambling problem may experience are:
• Financial issues (debt)
• Relationship issues
• Mental Health issues (Anxiety, Depression, Stress)
• Deterioration in Physical Health
• Issues at college or work (loss of productivity, absenteeism, difficulty concentrating)
• Suicidal Thoughts
So, how can you tell if you (or a person you care about) are showing signs of problem gambling?
Recognising the problem in yourself:
If you answer ‘yes’ to one or more of these questions, you may be developing a gambling problem. Do you:
• gamble alone and often?
• continue gambling longer than you intended?
• spend more time on gambling than other favourite pastimes or interests?
• gamble every last euro you have?
• think about gambling every day?
• try to win back money you have lost with more gambling?
• find it difficult to stop yourself spending too much?
• lie to friends and family members about your gambling and how much you have spent or do you just not tell them about it?
• sometimes reach the point where you no longer enjoy gambling?
• feel depressed because of gambling?
• have trouble sleeping?
• feel that gambling is having a negative effect on other areas of your life, such as family and work?
If you are concerned about your gambling and want to make some changes, then these suggestions may be useful:
• Break the silence and talk to someone you trust, a counsellor or attend a Gamblers Anonymous or SMART Recovery meeting. Keeping a gambling problem secret only makes it harder to bring about change. Talking to someone about it can help reduce the stress of a gambling problem and help you to do something about it.
• Avoid high-risk situations. These include any situations which you know can lead to gambling in a harmful way, such as having your ATM or credit cards with you when gambling, gambling on your own or mixing alcohol with gambling. You may want to avoid risky situations such as talking about gambling, carrying large amounts of money or socialising close to gambling venues. If you have online accounts, shut them down and ask to be excluded from the service.
• Challenge your gambling thoughts. It’s difficult to cut down or stop gambling if you believe that you can win and will come out in front. Remember: nobody ever gambled their way out of their gambling problem.
• Prepare for gambling urges. Urges to gamble are common for people trying to cut down or stop. Preparing yourself can help you cope. Think of times or situations that are likely to trigger urges and have plans for alternative activities that can help distract you.
• Find alternatives to gambling. It’s important to replace gambling with activities that you find satisfying. Finding a range of alternatives can help, such as sports, being with family members and friends, hobbies, and relaxation exercises (e.g. yoga or meditation).
• Reward your progress. There is a lot of guilt and shame associated with having a gambling problem. Acknowledge any progress you’ve made and reward yourself with a non-gambling treat – a nice meal, a movie or something else you enjoy.
Recognising the problem in others:
Here are some signs you can look for if you’re worried about a family member, friend or fellow student. People with a gambling problem have a preoccupation with gambling and may:
• want to borrow money to gamble or to cover debts
• have changes in their sleeping and eating habits
• start to miss college, work or other regular commitments
• express suicidal thoughts
• sometimes celebrate their ‘good fortune’ by gambling more.
If you are concerned about another person’s gambling, there is a simple, 2 question screening tool, which is an indicator that the person would need to undergo a more thorough gambling addiction assessment:
Q1: Have you ever felt the need to bet more and more money?
Q2: Have you ever had to lie to people important to you about how much you gambled?
(Answering “Yes” to one or more of these questions, strongly indicates that further assessment is necessary.)
Helping a friend or family member
If you think a friend or family member has a gambling problem, try to show your concern without lecturing or criticising. Your comments may be met with defensiveness and denial. Don’t take this personally, but let the person know you care and explain how his or her gambling behaviour affects you. You may have to clear boundaries with the person. Don’t be manipulated into excusing, justifying, overlooking, enabling or participating in the person’s destructive behaviour.
If the person agrees that he or she has a problem, here are some tips:
• Help the person make contact with organisations that can help, such as those listed at the end of this article.
• Be supportive and encouraging of the person’s attempts toward change, however small.
• Expect that there may be steps backward (“slips”/relapses) as a normal part of the recovery process.
• Encourage activities that are not associated with gambling and try to support the person by limiting or stopping your own gambling.
• Become informed by finding out more about problem gambling.
Really excellent article from the U.S. Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). It defines gambling addiction (pathological gambling/gambling disorder) as well as looking at screening (diagnostic) tools, treatment options and prevention. Definitely worth a read (6 pages, PDF). You can download it here.
Barry Grant, Addiction Counsellor, Founder.